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[life, muse] Change, Change, Change - Transience Divine
December 28th, 2006
08:07 pm

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[life, muse] Change, Change, Change
It's the time of year when schools relax their panopticon, the consumerist machine casts its nets, and good little philosophers snuggle into their books and reflect. My year has been full-- filled with challenges, good times with good friends, and opportunities for new work, play, and growth-- and defies recap. Instead, here are the changes I feel like I'm going through now, though I don't know how far they'll go. I'd love it if others took this as a meme (though your list will probably look very different from mine).

I've developed a distaste for my habits of philosophical reflection and conscious growth (like this? *sigh*). I tend to approach the world like an ever-blooming flower: I'll unfurl each petal, stretch it to catch the light, and let it fall to make room for another. But now my obsession with that progress has become a barrier-- my destiny is in the world, not in my head. I love reflection, but now less so when it's self-absorbed or disconnected from the world, or pot-riddled-- it's all fun, but that's all it is. I love growth, but I believe it can be intentional and ongoing without being planned or considered.

I have a greater appreciation for the overlookable details. A friend of mine learned ski-instruction in India, where the slopes go for miles. He said you could just tilt your head, or shift your attention, and the skis would follow. The greatest thing I learned from traveling is the huge effects on how people interacted with me based on the slightest variations of mood and presentation. We get to choose the rules to this game called life, and the instruction manual is written in life's unnecessary complexities, details, and accessories, which I'm growing to love. I spent ten years developing an externally simple life; now I'm giving that up for some playful ambiguities.

I've refooted my sexual interests and sexual self. It took me a long time to get comfortable sleeping alone again, and I was driven by what I didn't have. But I'm think I'm now more comfortable personally, sexually, and socially than any time since awakening my sexual interest (four years ago). I'm happy with the relationships I have with my male and female friends, and happy living up being single. While deep relationships are incredible and all, I think for now I'll dedicate myself to seducing women for the thrills of that game.

This year I also got into experimental jazz, salsa dancing, exercise, and sexual display, but those aren't worth philosophizing about.

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