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[life, muse] Seducing Women - Transience Divine
January 18th, 2007
03:43 am

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[life, muse] Seducing Women
I'm swooning over my new read, How to Succeed with Women. I've read *plenty* of books on the intricacies of sex: how to books on flirting, kissing, fucking; philosophy and essays on love and sex; books on manipulation that made me sick, on personal development that changed me, and on how the genders interact that still befuddle me. But books that are ethical and pragmatic and thorough are rare, and I think this is one such, but it's so "dense to act on" that I've only dipped my feet in.

This kind of book demands to be more than the week's lean-back recreation. The sexual world goes so deep, and holds such incredible excellence. I think you can learn about sex relations your whole life and still be surprised by every turn. The creative, ethical, and stylistic expertise possible makes it like a second career, with ever more responsibilities and privileges. It's an alien world to me, who never gave sex a third thought before four years ago, but it's one I want to immerse in.

I'm waffling over the consequences, though. Some days, I think of everything I can give to others and learn for myself, and I just want to get as many people as possible to play sexual games with me. But then, I think of all the good time I spend with girls as friends, and I hear about all the ways guys make a nuisance of themselves. I know I'm a lot better at being chaste-- I can make more people happy and fewer hurt if my gender stays out of it. And there are no gentle paths in there.

Err, um, not that I can think of too many people I've hurt recently (If you beg to differ, kick me or something so I realize). But if practicing my drums gets on your nerves, I'll always be happy to play elsewhere.

Current Mood: thoughtfultree

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From:g_w_s
Date:January 18th, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC)
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This begs the questions.. who are you trying to succeed with? what are you trying to get out of such books - is it for the benefit of another, others, or yourself?

You speak of consequences, but you refer only to complications with your existing friends, not of yourself.

I know you don't know me very well, but in a nutshell: I have spent most of my adult life in a very small number of serious relationships. I feel like each transition represents a trade-off - experience is certainly gained, but part of me is certainly lost forever. Losing your innocence with someone - sharing the path - is very powerful and wonderful. My fear is that being with too many people can begin to trivialize the beauty. There are days when I have thought I could never love another and I would be unwilling to lose more of myself - and refuse to let go - and there are days when I wonder if I at some point might not simply give in, give up my former self and all of my caution, and explore until I have been satiated.

For the most part, such thoughts are driven by my satisfaction with relationships. If you are curious about the details - past or present - you may certainly inquire, but I'll not share them on a public blog. =)

I recognize that play can complicate friendships - but my feeling is that honest, well-defined relationships (whether they are defined as friendships with play or not) can work - communication remains the key.

Consider the consequences of your actions as they relate to yourself. You're more important than anyone else, and you should bear that in mind.
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From:jrising
Date:January 18th, 2007 11:38 pm (UTC)
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Fortunately, I'm not trying to succeed with any particular person (and there aren't books on that anyway, except maybe the wrong or unethical kinds).

I think you've presented me with a false dichotomy. The hoped-for benefit is "for-myself-for-others". I think exploring this area of sexual play would be good for me, and I've seen how much happiness people who are adept at it can give to other people.

So far, every relationship I've had has been a gain for me, even when they've involved me losing something. I trust myself enough that I think I can take the take the good parts for myself and recognize and discard the bad effects-- but not necessarily before inflicting some of those bad effects on other people.

Whether being involved in lots of partners can trivialize the experience is a huge question. Here are some pieces of my thoughts on it. (a) Experiences aren't meant to be held on to. If we can give up the need for permanence and appreciate them for what they are, and we'll be able to appreciate them more. (b) Desires need to be explored to their fullest extent-- they're there for a reason, and to curb your desires is cut off a part of who you are. (c) I think one gets very different things out of committed relationships and multiple casual relationships, but they're both important.
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