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Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads - Transience Divine
September 24th, 2007
05:31 pm

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Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads

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From:richenza
Date:September 25th, 2007 12:36 am (UTC)
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I don't like the intellectual's approach of seducing with the mind, and then using the bait to switch in the body.

I'm not following you here. Possibly it's cause I'm an intellectual and seducing with the mind is my style. There's a thin line to walk here; on the one hand, anyone who says the body is irrelevant is a liar. On the other, anyone who judges soley by appearance is shallow. I guess I'm just having a hard time imagining that anyone could actually suffer an "intellectual-bait-and-switch" and then absent-mindedly have sex with someone they found entirely unattractive.

Certainly, it's possible that you might have sex with someone who is not your idealized physical partner if you found them stimulating in other ways. Johnny Depp is much hotter than Jack, (who is reading over my shoulder as I write this). I still think I would rather have sex with my husband, though - because if Johnny Depp actually did randomly show up at my house looking for a night of strings-free passion, I think it would badly unnerve me. It would be a sign that the guy was kind of nuts.

There's a pretty large difference between a person who thinks you have the body of an Adonis and a person who thinks you are sexy. I guess what I'm saying is that if you want to be sexy you can't expect to leave your mind out of it.
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From:jrising
Date:September 26th, 2007 07:05 am (UTC)
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You're right, and on one level I know that. What I consider sexy in others is so much a function of attitude, character, *intellect*, that I can hardly expect other people-- at least, most of the ones I'm interested in-- to do otherwise.

But at least for me, I feel like it is a kind bait-and-switch. I approach dating and everything that goes with it as an intellectual. When I flirt, I'm constantly thinking about what I can say to make the person I'm with laugh or feel good or think well of me. And while that comes out of my whole character, it's also fairly disconnected from it. I don't think I present a false impression of myself, but I think it's very easy to appear as what I do, rather than what I am.

The body represents to me much more than appearances-- I mean by it, "what I am" outside of my reason. Having strong feelings and a strong connection with one's body seem to me to be very important, and have a kind of primacy and immediacy that's important in relationships. What I infer from people's reactions ("robot", "queen") is that there's a radical disconnect between my presentation (how I come across) and my sexuality. I'm working on that, but I'm not there yet. And I don't mind not being there-- intellectually, I think I understand my emotions and sexuality very well, and I'm sure that eventually that will work its way into my manifested character.

Does that make any more sense? By the way, I love the idea of Johnny Depp showing up on your doorstep! Good luck with that.
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From:richenza
Date:October 6th, 2007 03:01 pm (UTC)
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I love the idea of Johnny Depp showing up on your doorstep! Good luck with that.

Conceptually, so do I. :) Of course, I'm pretty sure that I'm pretty safe!
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